There are two idyllic pictures for homeschooling multiple children:
- the peaceful mom reading aloud to her children as they snuggle on the couch beside her.
- the peaceful mom sitting at a table, moving between each child, gently explaining, discussing, and encouraging.
Neither of these visions panned out for us.
We were never a read-aloud-for-everything family, so we aimed for the “peaceful table”.
But instead of being at peace, we all felt scattered.
I was constantly jumping from one child’s list to another, and the kids were always waiting on me to finish with a sibling. They never felt they had my attention for more than a minute — and they were right.
I was never fully present with each of them because I was busy juggling all of them.
By the end of the day (actually, by 10 am), I was a very grumpy mama with no oxygen left in my brain.
How We’re Homeschooling Multiple Children
A few years ago, we tried something different and it. was. life-changing.
Ready for it?
I now work with each child, one-on-one, before moving to the next child.
Yep. It’s that simple.
During each child’s one-on-one time, we work on anything they can’t do independently; whether that’s because I need to teach it directly or because they’re just not ready for independence in it.
The other kids play (in my line of vision!) or do independent work while they wait.
Schedule for Homeschooling Multiple Children
I start with my preschooler, “filling her tank” with prayer, poetry, songs, read-alouds, and alphabet and number activities. We use one of Memoria’s programs for this so I don’t have to reinvent the wheel. All I have to do is enjoy our “Mommy Time”…unless she’s being sassy that day. (She’s four. Enough said.)
My 8 year old then begins her independent work while I work with my 7 year old. This little one is easily distracted and overwhelmed. She needs “over-teaching” and consistent review for things to stick; so I stay with her for everything.
Then, I work with my other struggling learner (10 year old). His reading and attention are well in hand now, but he still struggles with overwhelm and diligence. He’s reached a point where he can work independently for 5-10 minutes, depending on the area of study, but we still have a long way to go.
Lastly, I work with my 8 year old, reviewing her independent work and teaching anything that needs a direct lesson.
2021 UPDATE: We’re still teaching one on one, but the order is a bit different. See our current routine here!
Surprising Results
I was concerned this way of homeschooling multiple children would make our days interminably long.
But, on most days, we actually save time!
Because I’m fully present with one child, we both work more efficiently (even if the toddler is climbing all over us). No more dawdling for three hours over a single math page.
We also work more effectively.
I’m able to really work on each child’s problem-areas and catch new trouble spots sooner; which means we have less work that needs to be redone — and fewer arguments about redoing it!
What About Combining Subjects?
Over the years, I’ve learned that the decision to combine subjects has to be made on a child-by-child, subject-by-subject, and year-by-year basis.
My two high schoolers are in the same grade but I have to teach them separately. Otherwise, the one with challenges is tempted to wait for the stronger one to give all the answers.
And then there are the times when one of them is sick and that keeps the other one from moving forward. That can really cause problems at the high school level.
When my 8 and 10 year olds were younger, they worked at the same level for awhile. Then the younger one passed her brother in reading and I had to separate them before his confidence hit rock-bottom.
They were still in the same books, but from that point on, I taught them separately.
This coming year, they’ll be using the same books for science and geography. Now that my son is able to read almost as well as his sister, my plan is to read and discuss the books together; but any writing, illustrating, or journaling will still be done separately.
In their case, I’m not worried if sick days hold us up as these subjects will only be done once or twice a week. But I’ll still be watching for signs of unhealthy competition.
All that to say: combining multiple children has to be determined one year, and one set of children, at a time.
The Remaining Problem
The one thing I haven’t figured out is how to consistently meet with my middle schooler and high schoolers. They’re mostly independent now, but there are still one or two areas that need direct teaching and other areas that need discussion and review.
Our lack of meetings this past year was somewhat due to time; but most of it was a lack of diligence on my part.
I’m doing some soul-searching on this over the summer, especially since I won’t be able to rely on a co-op anymore for their teaching and review.
I’ll let you know what I figure out!
What do you think? How could one-on-one teaching bring peace as you’re homeschooling multiple children?
“Then, I work with my other struggling learner (10 year old). His reading and attention are well in hand now, but he still struggles with overwhelm and diligence. He’s reached a point where he can work independently for 5-10 minutes, depending on the area of study, but we still have a long way to go.”
My 10 year old puts in a few hours of independent work, sometimes before I even get up. My 5 year old can do about half an hour easily. Could your kid possibly have had (I know, this is years later) more of a sibling rivalry issue (no independent work = keeping mommy to myself, attention) rather than lack of diligence?
This could definitely be true in some cases and it’s good to be aware of all the possibilities when navigating things like this. But no, that wasn’t the case for this child. This post explains the situation in more detail. He was later found to have moderate-severe ADHD (we have an extensive family history of it). Treatment for the ADHD revolutionized his ability to focus on school — and his ability to just feel like himself in general. He is able to do most of his schoolwork independently now. It sounds like your children have been blessed with good executive function skills! Our family has been blessed in many ways as well, just some of our blessings come through the cross of special needs.❤️
Hello! I am a new to homeschool mom trying to figure out what the heck I’m doing!?! I’m curious how long you end up working with each child. do you take breaks between subjects with each child? A lot of things I;m reading suggest no more than 20 minutes at a time. So just wondering how you handled all that with one on one times. I am unorganized and easily distracted (hello adulthood ADHD diagnosis) so I think the one on one may be good for us. so just wondering about the time and breaks! thanks!
Jill
Welcome to homeschooling!! I took the amount of time I could realistically devote to homeschooling and then divided that up among the number of children I needed to work with, include margin for transitions, younger kids, interruptions, etc. Because of my health issues at the time, I could only devote a few hours a day before my body started shutting down. So I usually worked with each child for about 30-45 minutes a day.
Breaks actually don’t work for most of my kids as it means they have to navigate yet another transition (we live and breathe ADHD here as well!). So we just did our thing and then they were free. Since we weren’t working for hours on end anyway this worked. My youngest actually handles breaks well, and often needs them between subjects, so I just have her set a timer for 5-10 minutes and she’s good about returning to the table for her next subject. If you have a child who needs breaks but struggles with returning from them, you can give “stealth breaks” where you have them get something off the printer, bring you a glass of water (if it’s for them, you’ll never see them again, LOL), sweep up something in the school room, etc. It’s really about observing your unique children and planning accordingly.
are there any curriculums you reccomend for teaching several grades in one book?
We teach skill subjects separately (even if some of the kids are in the same level), but we DO combine Memoria Press’s content subjects for my younger crew. This post gives the details on how we do that: Combining Children in a Classical Homeschool
I would love to hear if you’ve found a way to work with your teens yet. I’m struggling so much to keep up with them, especially with literature. I know they need some rich discussion, and that has to be done separately with each kid because of the dynamics. My kids are 15, 13, 11 and 8. This is getting harder, not easier, as they get older. My 11yo still needs me for some of her subjects, and my 8yo needs me for most of his.
We tried to meet an hour per week last year but, for a variety of reasons, it didn’t go well. When my health took a turn for the worse, I had them do all the reading/assignments and then, after I confirmed they had completed the written assignments, I gave them the Teacher Manual so they could read through the discussion points and deeper insights (be sure to remove the tests/keys in the back). Then, they wrote their final essay. Aside from this, I found we could have good, impromptu conversations on a book if I had read it myself. I think we’re going to keep this TM method going, but I will also be trying to read their lit novels as we move forward. I’ve been looking for some good books to read in the evening instead of scrolling through social media 😉
What is your time frame for working with each kiddo and how do you break down what they need to do with each subject? I’ve got 3 and all of them need a lot of 1:1 time for a myriad of reasons.
It changes from year to year (or even month to month!) so I try to work backwards: I decide how much time we can to devote to school each day, and then I begin dividing it. I first decide how much time to set aside for our Morning Time, and then I divide the remaining time based on each child’s needs. I have some that need me longer than others, so this helps me individualize while staying within our limitations.
For what to do with each subject, we rely on Memoria Press’s lesson plans. We don’t do all the subjects they offer, and we just “do the next thing” in the plans without worrying about the listed day/week. This, combined with our one on one time, allows us to focus on doing things well rather than trying to “fit it all in.”
Hello! Thank you I finally found hope in through your post. May I ask how much time do you spend 1:1 time with each child and for indépendant work what do they do during those times. I have 5kids ages 13/11/7/3/3mos old bby. Homeschooling 3 of them and still need 1:1 time with me. Thank you and God bless!
Hi Michi, I’m so glad this post encouraged you!
The amount of time has really varied, depending on the child and the season of life we’re in. It can be helpful to look at the time you have set aside for homeschooling and divide accordingly between the kids. Two tricks for this are 1) to have a definitive end time for your day, no matter how much/little has been accomplished and 2) include extra time for each child, and between children, to allow for interruptions, dirty diapers, etc. So if I was planning on spending 30 minutes for a child, I would increase it to 45 on my plan so that we had some margin.
I also found it helpful to focus on my toddler first, “filling her tank” with read-alouds and snuggles.
This is truly amazing! I was just trying to wrap my head around how to teach my 4 this year knowing we will mostly be “on our own.” They each have varied needs and abilities and there is a 10 year spread between youngest and oldest with 2 in the middle.
I’m so glad it helped! I need to update the post, but our days were getting too long so I now limit the amount of time that I work with each child. I set the amount of time based on each child’s needs and what I know I can realistically do overall on the average day. What we get done is what we get done and we just pick it up the next day.
I’m so glad I found this post! I’m a first time homeschooler and full of questions, of course. One was how to combine my children. I don’t want to wait or hold the older one back to wait until her sister is old enough to do a certain level (they’re 18 months apart), plus I worry about the unhealthy competition when one does better than the other at a certain subject, especially since my oldest seems to need more reassurance than her sister. Reading your post I’m convinced that my plan to just keep moving forward for now and reevaluate each year is the best plan for us. My oldest really wants to learn and do things, but my youngest still only wants to play, so I’m following their lead. Thank you for helping me feel like I’m making a good decision.
I’m so glad this encouraged you!
And all the mommmas shouted, “Amen!”
I tried combining — even wrote a post about it — but it was one of those things that looked great on paper, but disaster in real life.
Nowdays, the only things we combine are the twins’ classwork. 😉
I’m going to TRY to combine Maeve and the boys for States and Capitals this summer. We will see how it works.
States & Capitals is a great one for combining. Even my 4-1/2 year old got in on it!
“All that to say: combining has to be determined one year, and one set of children, at a time.”
I have found this to be true as well! For years, I could combine my girls in various subjects, but now that’s just not the case during most years.
Each year brings its own set of circumstances, doesn’t it?
And I, like you, have a hard time fitting in the conversation piece with my older two. They need me as their teacher in a more intense way, and that can feel overwhelming since I have to understand the material myself in order to discuss it.
Yes, much soul-searching. 🙂
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts!
Lauren
Yes! Every year is different. I think that’s one of the most important things new homeschoolers need to know. What works now won’t necessarily work next year — or even later this year, lol!
Not exactly an answer to your question but- I’m impressed with the four year old’s coloring. Much better than Jp (who’s working on 5 and a half…) . And I really need to implement the teach one kid at a time more often!!
Her fine motor skills had me worried when she was younger, but then they came online; she was playing with modeling clay a lot and I think that helped. The clay gives a little more resistance than play dough. She still grips her pencil pretty tightly though so I have her doing hand/shoulder exercises with H who has always struggled with writing stamina/death grip. I think JP will come around. If he tolerates the feel of modeling clay, that would be a great place to start — he can make stuff for his super heroes! 🙂 I’ll text you a link for the kind we get from Hobby Lobby. It also helps E calm down when she’s feeling overwhelmed.
I would like to hear more about these hand exercises! My just turned 9yo has a stamina/death grip and struggles with writing. I’m wondering if she needs some sort of help and /or strengthening. She does enjoy drawing and spends plenty of time on that but we struggle with handwriting. Thanks!
Hi Melissa! Here are some of the things we’ve done. I found out shoulder strength can be a missing piece when it comes to writing stamina, so we started doing exercises to strengthen their shoulders: crab walks, wheel barrow walks (I hold their feet while they walk on their hands) chair push-ups (they grasp the side edges of their chair and push themselves up off the seat. For an extra challenge —- when ready —- they can try holding themselves in the air for a few seconds) wall push-ups, etc. Another good one is ball walks: they walk a ball up/down/across a wall without it slipping. We’ve never had a ball small enough for it though!
For hand strength, I really can’t say enough good things about modeling clay. We get this pack from Hobby Lobby: https://www.hobbylobby.com/Crafts-Hobbies/Clay-Molding-Sculpting/Clay/Modeling-Clay/p/CL50260
It seemed to help my 9yo when we switched to a pen that weighed more on the top. Her penmanship wasn’t as nice at first but she didn’t feel like she had to kill the pen to stay in control. Sometimes occupational therapists will put nuts/bolts on pens or pencils to increase the weight at the top. It’s an inexpensive solution and the amount of weight can be customized and gradually reduced.
One more thing: some kids seem to do better with pen than pencil. The smoothness of the ink gives less resistance when writing. Some kids do better with more resistance, some do better without.
I hope this helps!
I think this is pretty much exactly what I’ve come to. I have 9 kids and have homeschooled since my oldest started and she’s a senior next year. I haven’t figured out how to be perfect yet either, but I’m on board with all you’re sharing here!
Thank you, Meg! I pray you have a beautiful final year with your oldest!