“I should be able to handle this!” I repeated that phrase every day for 13 years.
During that time, “this” included everything from moving halfway across the country, to raising five kids under the age of seven, a husband who worked long hours, hospitalizations, kids who hated school, and a financial crisis we couldn’t see our way out of…and that was only some of it.
No one simply “handles” situations like that…but I thought they did.
Eventually, I went from denial to anger. I felt like a victim of circumstance and the words in my head reinforced that perception:
- “I shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
- “Why is everything a fight?”
- “No one else’s homeschool is like this!”
Two years ago, I realized an important truth that gets me through “those” days: what is here is what is.
My husband and I can (and do!) work to make things better; but now we can be content as we work, understanding that we may not see fruit right away — or that we may never see it at all.
To spread a table that nourishes those who sit to eat at it; to model and instruct the habits and exercise that will support life; to love and pray and counsel and wait for those whose ailments baffle my understanding — this is the calling set before us.
— Lindsey Brigham-Knott
God has done mighty things in our lives, and the struggles that remain are nowhere near as difficult as they used to be; but even when we are caught off-guard by something new, or a recurrence of something we thought was behind us, my heart can be at peace.
I still get frustrated — even angry — on rough days, but I no longer feel hopeless or helpless.
This isn’t the life we imagined, but it’s the life we’ve been called to. And God will give us the grace to fulfill that call.
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