“I should be able to handle this!” I repeated that phrase every day for 13 years.
During that time, “this” included everything from moving halfway across the country, to raising five kids under the age of seven, a husband who worked long hours, hospitalizations, kids who hated school, and a financial crisis we couldn’t see our way out of…and that was only some of it.
No one simply “handles” situations like that…but I thought they did.
Eventually, I went from denial to anger. I felt like a victim of circumstance and the words in my head reinforced that perception:
- “I shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
- “Why is everything a fight?”
- “No one else’s homeschool is like this!”
Two years ago, I realized an important truth that gets me through “those” days: what is here is what is.
My husband and I can (and do!) work to make things better; but now we can be content as we work, understanding that we may not see fruit right away — or that we may never see it at all.
God has done mighty things in our lives, and the struggles that remain are nowhere near as difficult as they used to be; but even when we are caught off-guard by something new, or a recurrence of something we thought was behind us, my heart can be at peace.
I still get frustrated — even angry — on rough days, but I no longer feel hopeless or helpless.
This isn’t the life we imagined, but it’s the life we’ve been called to. And God will give us the grace to fulfill that call.